medals | !INBOX // EUDIO.

[She pulls up short, looking like she might get indignant for a moment before finally slumping a little and slipping into a chair.]

Of course. It's been an extremely trying two days, I'm sorry. The more I try to cope, the further I seem to go off the deep end.

[So. Just get to the point.]

Do you know Caleb Holt?

[It takes her a moment to place the name, but: ]

He's the lad who likes Ancient Aliens, right?

[Her smile at that says it all: broad, warm, reminiscing, full of very deep affection.]

Yes. that's him.

He's the mysterious new boyfriend?

[She's just guessing here!!]

He's not - no. No, I'm a million miles from that yet.

[Time to pour herself some tea, settle her nerves.]

We met and - well, we really hit it off on our first day here. He's been the most wonderful mate to me ever since, so much fun and the easiest bloke to get along with that I've ever known. He makes me do stupid, silly things, and I feel like I've always wanted to, but the right person has never been there. Like I've only just gotten to know myself since I've known him.

[This is so, so sappy already. Her cheeks are deeply flushed, something not many people get to see, and she has to take a sip of tea to compose herself.]

But - I never thought anything of it. My two closest mates at school were blokes I had fun with and slept with, and there was never any suggestion of more. None of us would've wanted it. Then Caleb said he loves me.

[She's reaching for the jammy dodgers while Celeste speaks and she chews, thoughtfully, listening very carefully. And then, once she's done, she says (quite bluntly):] It's a bit soon for I love you's, isn't it?

[She doesn't mean to be unkind, it's just - Celeste is new. ]

Is it? [She's genuinely surprised. Eddie didn't say that.] I haven't the first idea how all this goes. Is that really bad?

It's not bad. It's just - I dunno, can you really love someone if it's only been a few months?

[If that. Down go the jammy dodgers and Jem lifts a thumb to chew on it. ] I know people talk about love at first sight but that's bollocks for a start.

Well. I have been in love before, and I knew that quite quickly, but it was just a silly crush at first sight. I'm not a blind romantic, you needn't worry about that. I wouldn't be so bloody terrified about all this if I were.

[It's so hard to explain. When she falls, really falls, there's a connection so deep that it doesn't need time to figure out. And she and Caleb have that, just as she did with Thomas.]

I've never even wanted a boyfriend. I only got thinking about all this because he said that, and no one ever has quite so directly, and it started me wondering. But it wasn't a very serious confession, he didn't ask anything of me and even said that however I felt about it was fine. I told him straight out that I had no idea if I loved him back and he really was fine with it.

It just seems a bit soon. If someone told me they loved me after barely knowing me, I'd be raisin' my eyebrows, you know?

[Especially out of the blue. But, Celeste is not Jem and she tries to be understanding here. ] D'you at least have feelings for him?

I adore him. [She's quite frank about that, because there's no point to this conversation if she beats around the bush.] He's sweet, and patient, and so funny, and - really, really beautiful, I can't even imagine how I caught his eye in the first place, never mind held it. He's got this sort of lopsided smile, and -

[Jem knows him, Celeste. Or of him, anyway. Going into unnecessary detail.]

- and he does know me. That's the thing that makes it so hard. He's seen through things about me that no one else ever has, and he stood up to me and made me be honest. Not just with him, with myself. I don't know how it's happened, because it really hasn't been that long, but he understands me better than just about anyone has in my life.

[Celeste makes him sound utterly charming, the idea of him the most romantic thing in the world. It sounds very Disney, if Jem's being honest. The kind of thing she's seen a million times in movies and wondered if she'd ever find it in real life. The truth is that she and Petre are still figuring each other out and she's mad about him anyway. She prefers that; she likes learning all his secrets gradually. And of course, they're not all nice. Petre is a monster wearing a boys face, but he's never been anything but honest about that.

When Celeste is done, Jem gives her a gentle look. ] Does that scare you? That he gets you?

[It's likely better, how Petre and Jem are doing it. Celeste has an entire avalanche of secrets coming, ones that could shake them to whatever foundation they've been able to build when they do come out. For now, he's a sort of dream, and she wants to make him real.]

Yes. [It's a nervous little laugh, as she plays with a biscuit more than eating it.] Yes, it's terrifying. I'm this - incredible mess of lies that I've slapped together to convince myself and everyone around me that - I'm not even sure, that I'm normal? Nothing hurt me, nothing will, it's all fine? And I can't say a word of a lie to him, not that sort of lie. Which means he'll find out what a mess is under the mess.

[She looks up from the biscuit, dark eyes searching Jem's.] This all got very personal. I should've had several varieties of tea and biscuit for this, probably tiny sandwiches.

[She let's all of that sink in, just for a moment. Not for Jem's benefit, for Celeste to really comprehend all that she's just said. All that she's just admitted, to Jem who isn't even sure she has the kind of face that makes people open up. She's not entirely sure she's the kind of person who's really capable of these conversations.

But, here she is. ] You've just said it all to me.

[That she's pretending, at least. ] If he gets you, he'll get all of that too. If he loves you, he won't mind if you try to be honest with him about yourself.

[She sure did just spill out the entire fallacy of Celeste to someone she's spent all of one evening with. It takes her a moment to recover.]

Well, you have night terrors, don't you? And you seem very cool and put together. You must know a little something about hiding the cracks because you're afraid they might all just spread and blow open one day and you mightn't be able to live with what's left.

[Oh no, she really is getting too personal. That actually makes her wince.]

Don't - you needn't tell me anything about any of that. I'm just a bit of a mess right now. You're right, if he can see me so clearly, he may already know.

[Well doesn't that just so close to home that for a moment Jem is visibly stunned, eyes wide and mouth parting just a bit. She's utterly terrified of coming apart of the seams, mostly because she already has. In tiny bits, piecr by piece.

She's quick to pull herself together; though suddenly, she hasn't got much of an apetite for sweets.]

You've got to trust him, is all I meant. If you do then - he's not gonna mind if you're a bit of a mess.

Oh my god, I really am sorry. I'm a complete pillock. I shouldn't have said any of that.

[All that shock on her face tells the clear story - no words, but enough intensity for Celeste to be sure that she's compared her problems to someone who has much, much worse to deal with.]

You can't stand me now, can you? It's worse when I don't try, then I make an even bigger mess of things.

[She doesn't like it, the back tracking. Makes her feel like people have got to tread carefully around her (and they do, honestly) instead of saying what they think. She shakes her head fast, dismissing it entirely. ]

Don't. I can take a bit of mindless venting.

[And that's what it is, really. ]

I'll get back round to the point, shall I? [It's said with a little laugh.] I've never wanted to do this, and now I do, and it's because this amazing bloke's said he loves me. I just don't know if that's the right reason. And it's still - huge, I don't even know if it's the right thing to do in a place like this. If I'm ever going to get attached, should it be when I know I'm leaving?

[She's been thinking about this too. She thought this, right at the beginning. She's been thinking about it more than ever now that she's made a commitment. And she's come up with nothing. What advice is there to give here?

It's nice to think of forever and happily ever afters, but who in Eudio is really going to get that? ]

Honestly? I don't know. I really don't.

[Now that she's lowered the expectations here. ] But if we weren't where we are, I'd tell you - just get to know him better. See if you like all of him and all of secrets. That's what being with someone's all about, probably. Knowing them.

I suppose you're right. [She gnaws on the corner of her lip, then finally nods.] It's a lot, someone knowing you so well, but it's half the equation. Isn't it? You're far more sensible than me about it, but really, hearing that someone loves you will throw you for a terrible loop.

[Especially her, for so many reasons.]

Tell me about it. If Petre said he loved me, I'd probably do a automatic reboot.

[That was a really good lie she just told; she almost believes it herself. Amazing, what denial can do for a person. ]

Best thing to do is ask each other questions. That kind of thing.

Petre.

[She sits up sharply, all the worries of her life forgotten, incredulity that looks very close to bordering on hilarity spreading across her features.]

Petre's your boyfriend?

[rude celeste!!]

- yeah?

[There are two reasons for this kind of reaction and they both involve Petre naked. This is where's chose to lay her affections.]

Has he not. Mentioned that? [guess who is in trouble]

Oh lord, no, don't - [Well, she can't say it's not what it sounds like, because she has slept with Petre. Here. Or not slept, but rather had sex in rather public places. It's just so much more than that.]

- it's all a bit mad, really. I knew him back home, but he was some sort of - alternate universe version of himself. He lost his memory and everything, but he was just gifted like all of us at the school. Not a demon. And only seventeen years old.

[This never fails to blow her mind, no matter what the context that brings it back up.]

Perhaps he's the settling down type here, I could hardly say. I'm still getting to know this version. He just - really wasn't when I knew him, the exact opposite. I'm fairly certain he was out to shag his way through the entire school, professors included, and he had a good long list of tickmarks already.

!INBOX // EUDIO.

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