medals | !INBOX // EUDIO.

Didn't peg as having commitment issues, but there we go.

[damn Bellamy back at it again.]

He's stupid, obviously. All those muscles must be cutting the circulation off to his head.

[She looks down, feels guilty over this; this part, she's never done. Not even when Finn cheated on her, she didn't gossip about him. (No, she jumped in bed with Bellamy, but that didn't help, and god she refuses to feel that horrible again.)] He wants to leave.

I get it, everyone here wants to leave at one point. I'm starting to think like maybe I'm the selfish asshole, wanting to just stay, with my dragon and my healthy leg.

I don't think that's selfish.

[it's not, really. Jem hadn't wanted to leave either, just a short time ago. she tucks a hand under her head, and purses her lips. ] You're allowed to be happy and safe, Raven. Fuck anybody who makes you feel selfish for wanting that.

They don't really do it on purpose. [Nobody has called her out specifically for wanting to stay, and to say that Bellamy judges her for it would be a lie, she knows. He's never brought that up as a flaw of her, it's just that she has years of guilt backing her up.]

Mostly I guilt myself over this.

Well, stop that. [Said lightly. Jem knows it's not that easy; she's spent months overcoming her own guilt and reconciling with the desire to not want to go home herself. Her own happiness does not feel deserved; Raven's similar feelings are a particularly poignant sting in her chest. ]

It's not easy, convincing yourself you're not doing anything wrong. But you have to keep focusing on knowing that you're allowed to do whatever you want.

[She looks at Jem for a moment, instead of the cat between them, and bites her lower lip with the permeating feeling of vulnerability in her chest. There's a pang there, between the whole of not really enough, is it? and i just want to be loved.

Blindly, she reaches out and grabs a hold of Jem's hand, gingerly.]

I haven't done this before in my life, you know? Had someone to just talk to, after heartbreak. [Nope, last time she just screwed someone's brains out after her heartbreak, and look who that is.]

[A dangerous moment passes where she thinks about Lisa and the crushes they'd had early on im the HVF. Neither of them had experienced real heartbreak and Jem never got the chance to talk about her first, with Lisa. Kieren had been altogether a different sort.

She pushes that away, though. ] Well, you've got me now. And I'm always up for talking about idiot boys and why they're stupid. [A wry smile. It's hard to imagine the situations which have shaped Raven. Overall, Jem thinks she's pretty incredible for having come from where she's come from.]

In general, or like specific reasons? [It's a sad attempt at a joke, but she's trying at least? She shouldn't, though - because it was her who said they'd go back to being friends, it was her who said she'd get over it. Maybe not to him, specifically, but to herself.

To bitch and moan about it now wouldn't be fair, because it's not like he broke her heart.]

I have a terrible track record, maybe I should stop considering guys.

Maybe guys with commitment and emotional issues.

[A beat.] Girls are just as bad. I mean, look at me. I'm a mess.

Can't be, you're a delight. [Friendship!]

[She squeezes Jem's hand, affectionate. Grateful.] Your flaw is terrible taste in men, and an inferior pony tail.

S'pose we've got them in common, then.

[No jumping to Petre's defence here. Even Jem, who is habitually blinded to the worst in people she dates, knows Petre is filled to the brim with flaws. And, really, he was rude to Raven. ]

Maybe it'd be nice to just stick to the people you get on with, for a while? Freddie's been acting a bit weird lately, but we'd keep you going in spooning and that.

[It's easier to put herself aside and try and fix other things, other people's issues. Besides, Freddie is Freddie, and she likes him - she does like him. (He's her other example of sex and friendship mixing just fine without the need for relationships.)]

What's up with him?

Dunno. Mid life crisis? Trouble in the fuck buddy land?

[If Jem actually knows, well, she's keeping mum. Perhaps out of a sense of solidarity. Low key, though, she's worried about him. ]

He'll talk when he wants to. Or get over it. He'd probably not mind if you full body speared him, though, just saying.

[Lowkey, Raven gets worried about Freddie too, because it's easier than focusing on herself. Of course, if Jem's quick enough, she'll notice and pull her right back into the subject at hand, but until then...]

Trouble in fuck buddy land? What, did he go and get feelings? Because that'd be rich. [Right? Fuck buddy land wasn't troublesome when Raven was there.]

I think he's got a lot of feelings about a lot of people. But I mean - I think there was something? He can be brutally honest or vague.

[But he bounces back, doesn't he? Like Raven, he bounces back. ] He'll be okay. Just needs a little blow job action and he'll be right as rain.

[Build a brace for your feelings and move along, right? That's Raven, great at bouncing back even with injuries. She lets out a quiet laugh.]

Can't say I'm going to immediately volunteer there.

You're too good to be a rebound blowjob, Raven. [not a sentence she'd ever thought she'd have to say. ] I just meant, he'd probably be less of a mess to cuddle if he got one from someone.

!INBOX // EUDIO.

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