medals | !INBOX // EUDIO.

i think my heart's beating

[Jem wakes up two hours later, her heart pounding and her hair soaked in sweat. She does her usual ritual; first, to the bathroom. This time she climbs into the shower and stands under the hot spray for forty minutes until the sticky feel of sweat is gone. After that she slogs back into her room and collapses back onto her bed.

It takes her almost ten minutes to reach for her phone. When she does, it's with a vague confusion and then an intense panic. She callls back in a heartbeat.

ring ring]

( it's so early but he hasn't slept a wink since he woke up. he's been sitting there in shocked silence, listening to the sound of his heart beating, pressing his hand against his chest

wondering if he's actually just losing his mind

he fumbles with the phone a little )

-- Shit. Hello?

[her voice is still thick from sleep, but:]

Your what's beating now?

Heart. You know. That thing in your chest?

( this time, when he takes a shuddering breath, he can actually feel the difference. the air is actually necessary. )

That -- you're sure?

[it's impossible. it's Not Possible and Jem's exhausted, her head is spinning and she's not sure this isn't a dream.]

I'm comin' over.

[she isn't getting back to sleep now anyway.]

Well, I'm either sure or I'm going mad and starting to hallucinate.

( kieren's just gonna rub his face a million times. )

I'll put the kettle on.

Right. Won't be long.

[she hangs up, a second later. Kieren gets the courtesy of her changing everything except her disgusting pajama top. her hait, still wet, gets tugged into a messy bun and she tugs on a cardigan with a hood. it's 7am; she is allowed to look like shit.

she slips on shoes and slides out of her flat ten minutes later and if's another fifteen until she's wrapping her knuckles against Kieren's door. ]

( he puts the kettle on and realizes that he can feel the heat from the steam rise up as it boils, and kieren spends a moment holding his palm against the spout of the kettle - from a good distance away, of course. just enough to feel the condensation on his skin.

it's honestly incredible. and jem knocks just in time for the kettle to start to sing. )

Morning.

[she lets herself in, kicking her shoes off at the door and following the sound of Kieren's voice to the kitchen. She intends to just stride over and feel for herself, but she freezes in the doorway.

she's so used to the grey tint to Kieren's skin that she's not sure what to do when she sees him now. he looks pale; paler than her, she thinks, but he doesn't look dead. he looks peaky at best. ]

Hiya.

[her voice is small. it's a slow stride towards him, and she hesitates reaching to press her palm against his skin. still cold, but not freezing. she exhales, shaky. ]

Let us have a feel then.

( he feels warmer, too. well, it's not like he could tell earlier, when he couldn't feel anything at all, but still. he's so hyper-aware of everything he feels. of the heartbeat in his chest and the scratchiness of his wool sweater against his skin. feeling everything at once after feeling nothing for so long, well. it's a little overwhelming. )

Alright then.

( kieren finds his own heartbeat, and then grabs jem's hand so she can feel it too, under the jumper he's got on. )

[it's there; a steady thump thump thump under his jumper. she feels dizzy, her head reeling at even tne notion of his heart beating. the reality of it is almost too much. a second later she snatches his wrist and feels for a pulse; another thump thump. she maked a noise, somewhere half between a sob and a laugh. she meets Kieren's gaze with glassy eyes and --

she doesn't know what to say. she's lost for words.]

( if it had been anyone else reaching for his wrists like that, he wouldn't have let them. he would've flinched and moved out of the way. but jem already knows, and she's his sister and there's a bond there that kieren is infinitely grateful to have repaired a little more in their time in eudio.

they're not a huggy pair. they don't tend to be physically affectionate with each other. but when they are, it feels like it matters.

for some reason, kieren breathes out a sigh of relief.

he's not sure what to say either. he ignores the kettle whistling noisily in the background. )

[she's probably about to have a breakdown in his kitchen, but she holds it together as much as she can. when Kieren died, she didn't plan for him coming back. she got angry and terrible and when he did come back (when they a did) she got angrier and even more terrible. she's never accounted for the possibility of this. she saw a future where she'd be forty and wrinkled and Kieren would still be eightteen, the same way he looked before he died. perfectly preserved.

she takes his hand in hers and squeezes. ]

I don't know what to do.

[she's -- she's happy? she thinks. more than happy; beyond happy. she chokes on another laughsob and lifts her other hand to wipe at her eyes.]

( he doesn't know what to do either. honestly, the future had never seemed to be something that beckoned kieren over. especially not in roarton. he'd spent so much time thinking about ways he could escape, only to be tangled up in government schemes that would lead nowhere at all, all his days dwindling out like a long-spun rope.

it was only lately that his future had started to take a shape of sorts. wanting to stay and fight and try to figure out a way to make things better.

he doesn't know what this means. if it's the city, or -- something else entirely. but he folds his free arm around jem's shoulders, pulling her closer with a slight laugh of his own. )

You know what mum would say. Have some tea.

[it's all the invitation she needs to wrap her arms around him. she laughs into his chest and squeezes him around the middle.

her brothers heart is beating. this is real. quietly, and with wonder:]

Can you have a cup too?

( oh.

he hadn't really considered that. he thinks back to the hunger he'd felt a couple days before that, which had terrified him over what it could possibly mean.

it wasn't that he was going rabid at all. )

I...think so? I think it's worth a try.

[she holds him at arms length and gives a gross, watery grin. she still remembers how he takes his tea; more than that she remembers how he takes his toast, his eggs. she lets him go and rummages for two cups and sets about making them tea.

her own heart beats wildily in her chest, so nervous that she's ready to burst. there's still the possibility his body might reject the tea altogether; she tells herself she's prepared for that. after a minute and hands a cup over to him and craddles her own close to her chest.]

Get that down you.

( he drinks it too fast. after five years, he's almost forgotten the rituals of blowing softly on the cup and waiting. he takes a sip too fast and feels it scald his lips.

but even that's not something he can complain about at the moment, because he felt it. and he does better the second time around, taking a smaller sip this time. )

Tastes just like I remember it.

( like home. )

[she snorts; tea is so quintessentially home. with it comes memories of Sue, a cup in her hand and a gentle word being said. it's Steve, early in the morning, listening to the morning radio. Jem and Lisa, sixteen and suffering their first real hangover. she gets it.

she hasn't seen that sort of look on Kieren's face in such a long time, too. ]

The first cup always tastes the best.

I missed this.

( there's a wistful quality to his voice, tempered by a slight melancholy. there's no one he can blame for everything he's missed except himself, but still.

he can feel the warmth of it slipping down his throat, through his chest. kieren's eyes close for a moment, just enjoying the rush of nostalgia it brings. )

[she softens visibly as she watches him. for a moment she's caught up with how much she wishes their parents were here to see this. she imagines perfectly the tears and the relief; how happy Sue would be. how worried Steve would be.

she exhales it out. ]

I know.

( seeing as there's a slight chance that he might end up crying over a cup of tea, kieren's quick to busy himself with some other topic to latch onto. )

D'you want any breakfast? I don't have any food in here, obviously. But we could go out.

Yeah, I could eat.

[The question is: what?? ]

There might be somewhere that does a full English. Think you could stomach some fried eggs?

( english breakfast. god, he can barely remember the taste of eggs and bacon and sausage, and that's a terrible shame, to be honest. )

It's been five years since I've had any bacon. I'm definitely going to try.

!INBOX // EUDIO.

text - 4:22 AM

call - 6:44am

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject