[ it’s been weeks since something has made her pause, made her go cold all over and knock the wind out of her. the memory is being buried slowly, piece by piece. it’s been pushed into the dark, where Jem’s tried desperately to make it go away. out of sight, out of mind; if she doesn’t think about it, it never happened. if she doesn’t think about it, no one will ever make her feel that way again.
he can’t. Orest is out of reach, a pathetic blip on the multiversal map. he’s nowhere, he’s nothing. she still has to fight back the instinct to send, in a panic: please don’t bring this up. she sucks in a breath instead and reminds herself that she’s fine. she’s safe. no one is going to ever make feel like that again.
minutes pass; long enough that she could just ignore it. move on. keep going. keep burying. it wouldn’t make her any less raw about it, or any less angry. ]
no subject
he can’t. Orest is out of reach, a pathetic blip on the multiversal map. he’s nowhere, he’s nothing. she still has to fight back the instinct to send, in a panic: please don’t bring this up. she sucks in a breath instead and reminds herself that she’s fine. she’s safe. no one is going to ever make feel like that again.
minutes pass; long enough that she could just ignore it. move on. keep going. keep burying. it wouldn’t make her any less raw about it, or any less angry. ]
i know
but i wanted it to be me
[maybe now it’ll just be Billy. ]
i deserved to have it be me